When something goes wrong on a team, there are always two choices a leader can make: point outward or look inward.
I call this the difference between “blaming out” and “blaming in.”
Blaming out is the instinct to look around for who else caused the problem: another department, another individual, a market downturn, an underperforming employee, or the competitor who beat us to the punch. It’s human nature to look outward, to find the cause beyond ourselves.
Blaming in, on the other hand, is the courageous move of looking first at ourselves. What role did I play in this? What could I have done differently as a leader? How can I respond in a way that builds solutions instead of walls?
This mindset shift is not easy. But in my decades of coaching and leading, both in athletics and in business, I’ve seen it separate good leaders from great ones — and separate fractured teams from high-performing ones.
Lessons from the Court: A Coach Who Owned It
From my own coaching experience, a good example of this is when we were one game away from making it to the NCAA Women’s Basketball Final Four. One game away. Our team was picked to finish first in the conference and go far into the NCAA Tournament. There had been pressure all season long and our team was handling it every step of the way, all the way to this one game before the Final Four. We lost. By one basket.
The team and coaches were both incredibly disheartened by the loss. The press conference afterward could have gone in many directions. The head coach could have criticized the players for missing shots. She could have blamed the referees. She could have pointed to the injuries that plagued us that week.
But instead, she said something that stuck with me:
“This one’s on me. Don’t feel bad about what you did or did not do in this game. It is my job to prepare you for whatever happens. You all gave it your all. I’ll take responsibility for the rest.”
After the press conference, we met our team in the locker room. Coach reiterated what she said to the reporters. In essence, she lessened the heaviness that everyone was feeling, and she carried it for the team. She knew they were down. So was she, of course. The energy in the room shifted after she spoke. The players didn’t feel the sting of public blame. The assistants didn’t have to scramble to defend themselves. Instead, the entire program leaned forward, ready to adjust and improve. That’s the power of blaming in.
In corporate settings, it works the same way. When leaders take responsibility first, they create the psychological safety that teams need to innovate, take risks, and speak openly. When leaders deflect or blame out, walls go up, trust breaks down, and progress slows to a crawl.
The High Cost of Finger-Pointing in Business
Blaming out doesn’t just feel bad; it has measurable consequences. Organizations, and teams, lose momentum, stall projects, and miss opportunities because blame took the driver’s seat. When I look around the world, I can see many teams struggling with this phenomenon and as a result, intended outcomes and peak performance are not achieved.
Here’s what happens when blame dominates the culture:
- Defensiveness replaces creativity. Instead of asking “How do we solve this?” teams ask, “How do I protect myself?”
- Silos harden. Individuals or whole departments point at each other rather than working across boundaries, fostering a toxic culture.
- Morale sinks. High performers leave because they don’t want to work in an environment where mistakes become weapons.
- Solutions stall. Energy is wasted on finding fault rather than fixing problems.
In today’s fast-changing business world, where competition and disruption come quickly, organizations simply can’t afford to lose that much time or energy.
Why “Blaming In” Works
Blaming in is not about shouldering all the guilt or making excuses for others. It’s about accountability and modeling the behavior we want to see in our teams. It also doesn’t mean that we don’t look to the outside to investigate what happened. That is part of the problem-solving that leads to solution thinking. However, blaming in begins with the person in charge looking within to understand their own role in what happened, and pinpointing tactics and management decisions that could have been made differently.
When leaders practice blaming in, they:
- Build credibility. Teams respect leaders who own mistakes. Accountability is contagious.
- Foster trust. When leaders take responsibility, employees feel safer admitting their own missteps. The company culture becomes one of transparency and openness.
- Create momentum. The conversation shifts from “who caused this?” to “what can we do differently next time?”
- Unite teams. Different backgrounds, values, and perspectives stop being points of division when the focus turns to solutions.
Blaming in doesn’t weaken authority — it strengthens it. It positions the leader as someone who sees the bigger picture, prioritizes progress over ego, and sets the standard for everyone else.
Everyone at the Table
At Courtside Leadership, we believe that peak performance requires everyone at the table.
When a project goes off track, it’s rarely the fault of one individual. Systems, processes, communication, and leadership all play roles. Blaming out isolates the problem in a person, thing, or circumstance. Blaming in expands the lens and opens the table for everyone to participate in the solution.
This matters now more than ever. We live in a world where division is easy and walls are high. Leaders can’t always change the larger climate, but they can create a culture where their teams choose unity over division and accountability over blame.
A Corporate Example: The Pitch
Let me share a business story.
I was fortunate enough to obtain some seed money for the startup business expenses. I knew what I needed to do and made a list of how I would utilize these funds, and prioritized the next steps.
In one instance, I secured a company to build the website. The company was taking a long time, so much longer than I had anticipated – and had missed deadline after deadline. I gave them a final deadline for which the product had to be completed because I was pitching the business to some other potential investors. And, frankly, I wanted to believe their leader, but really doubted the company was being truthful. The website company told me not to worry. The site would be ready by the deadline.
The night before the pitch to investors, I hadn’t seen the finished product. Still, the tech company assured me not to worry. So the next morning, I went into the meeting ready to pitch, and when I pulled up the website to show the investors, it was nowhere near ready. Laughably not ready.
It was clear too that we lost the investors because my product was not ready.
My immediate thought was to blame the tech company. The rest of my team agreed. We were all devastated about how the opportunity slipped away.
When I got back from the trip, I called the team and took responsibility for the mistake. At the end of the day, it was my mistake. I trusted this tech company and did not do enough vetting. I did not give them enough direction to hold them accountable to be on task with the website build. Likewise, I didn’t press them when they didn’t have something ready for meetings in the past.
I told my team that I would take care of the issue and we started over. We lost money, but gained a stronger team with a leader who would ask more questions in the future and dive into the products and services of anyone we would work with going forward.
Find My Team exists today because we solved that problem together, as a team, and moved forward with a much better understanding of what had to be done with websites and technology. It started with a leader willing to blame in.
Practical Shifts Leaders Can Make
How can you begin modeling this shift in your own leadership? Here are some practical steps:
- Start with “I.” When things go wrong, resist the instinct to start sentences with “they” or “you.” Begin with, “Here’s what I could have done differently.”
- Ask better questions. Instead of “Who dropped the ball?” ask “What did we learn?” or “How can we adjust for next time?”
- Highlight ownership moments. Celebrate when someone on your team takes responsibility — even for small things. It builds a culture where ownership is safe and respected.
- Create safe forums. Hold debriefs where the goal isn’t blame, but shared learning and shared responsibility. Make it clear that solutions matter more than finger-pointing.
- Model humility. Remember, your willingness to own your role sets the tone for the entire team.
These shifts don’t just improve morale. They speed up solutions, strengthen collaboration, and lead to peak performance.
The Leadership Choice
Every leader will face moments when things don’t go as planned. The question is: will you blame out or blame in?
At Courtside Leadership, we help leaders and organizations practice this shift. We work with C-Suite executives, managers, and teams to create cultures where accountability is the norm and peak performance is possible.
If you’re ready to help your team break down walls, lessen tension, and work together at the highest level, let’s talk.
Schedule a workshop with Courtside Leadership and let’s start building a culture where your team stops pointing and starts solving.
Because the best teams don’t waste time finding blame. They spend their energy finding a way to win.
culture, Leadership, Teamwork